the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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