All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
