yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
