I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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