My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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