I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
