Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize