K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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