Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
