Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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