Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
