I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
