and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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