Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
