is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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