I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
