the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The feeling are messing with the penis
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
