Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We had sex on a dog bed..
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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