Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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