i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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