Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
