How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
