I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
