I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
