I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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