You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
