best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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