If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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