You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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