WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
