Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
