Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
