omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
