Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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