i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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