you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
