I like to think it a success when the cops are called
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
