I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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