I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
