4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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