Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
