i barfeds in our rink
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
