I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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