Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
