ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
