am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
