I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You ruined the universe
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
