I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Your cock deserves a montage
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
