Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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