why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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