I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
