We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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