Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
