What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
