you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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