Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
