i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
