I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
