All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
