so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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