There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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