end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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