Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
