The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize