you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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