first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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