please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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