we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
