Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
