I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
