I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
they need to just BURY HIM!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
