I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
