I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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