This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
