Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
