If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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