He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
