Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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