And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The uberlube is also flammable
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I did not marry a roomba.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
