Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
