I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dick very happy bro
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
