I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
