dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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