Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
