I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
