Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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