dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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