the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is my gift to your gina
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
