listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
