Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
