If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
