I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
