he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
