I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
