I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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