then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
