i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
