did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
