Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
