we're chasing vodka with high fives
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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